You

I only eat half of the cookie, because I want to share everything with you. I see you sitting opposite of me saying 'no' to the sweet taste of the chocolate glazed bliss. The way you look at it makes me want to be that cookie. Oh so desired and satisfying. When I say good bye or good night I want to bent down and kiss you on the top of your head. I love the smell of your shampoo. When you say you're cold my arms automatically move, want to pull you closer and just hold you.

But..you never eat the other half. You don't sit opposite of me. My lips never touch your soft hair. My arms will always ache to embrace your slender form; never to experience the perfection that is holding you.

For I will always yearn for you... but you not for me.

that is what my hand used to look like

 

no I did not cut myself with a knife (not even by accident)

                 
about half an hour after I took off the bandage (about 3 and a half after having it done)

yes my own little design

The heart which is halfway filld stands for me being able to love, having loved and being loved. But there is room for more (cheesy I know). The intertwined letters C and M stand for my grandparents who passed away. I miss them very much. The star stands for everything I want to achieve in life. The wings make a nie frame and they are an awesome way to get from one place to another.

I'll have it until I die. Amazing.

woah my day

Technically I am talking about yesterday and today, but who cares?
I had my first violin lesson last night. I liked it a lot and went back to practice today. And I also learned a lot about China at a conference thingy.. which also gave me insight into Republicans and how funny they are. (not really but you know what I mean)
This morning I was curious about violin prices on ebay. Guess who accidently ordered one from some business in California. Now I am broke, because I also payed a deposit for my tattoo that I wanted for the last couple of months. Yes, I am getting a tattoo and I realized tonight that I a terrified!

But otherwise my day was great, though stressfull. I've found money. Twice. First I found Chinese money and then a quarter. Lucky me. They also repaired my bed, so I don't have to be scared of waking up in the middle of the night because I somehow ended up on the floor.
The Titanic themed dinner was great huh?
Because I am such a hard-working little bee I got to eat the first class food. Goodness that was pure heaven. And I wish I could have mini cheesecake muffin-thingies every day.
And the highlight of my day was my friend Hai Wen. She gave me my Chinese name: 莎 滨 娜
Good night - Schlaft gut
 

Starting on a sad note

I lost someone to cancer; she was really close to me. That great someone was my grandma and it happened in March '07. Since then I get angry everytime I hear about someone having cancer. I don't like being angry, but I just care too damn much. Someone else I know has cancer. Someone I care about. I cannot change that. A third person - who I hoped for and who's struggle I witnessed through a friend - died a week ago. I can buy as many cancer awareness T-shirts I want, I can donate money for the cause, I can send get-well-cards to strangers who fight cancer and I can be angry 20/7. That doesn't change the fact that people die. People I like and care about and people who leave behind their loved ones.

Christa
Janet
Dieter
Chazzy
.....

I asked this girl who sits next to me in the library - yes the world keeps moving; no one pauses- and she says that there was beauty in the sadness I'm feeling. Because it showed that I cared.
I don't see that beauty, but everything around me is blury because these damn tears just won't stop coming.